I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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