i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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