it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
