Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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