Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
