Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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