College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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