ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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