Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
