I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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