i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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