I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
