Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
