Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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