Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
