I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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