nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize