sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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