I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
