NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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