just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
