i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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