i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
