Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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