I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
