every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
