It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
