I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
