I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
