dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
