I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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