Will you blow on my dice?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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