I'm so fucking centered right now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
