operation harelip BJ is a go
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
