Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can't turn off my feet"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize