I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
