You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
