I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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