I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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