I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
