My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
