I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
