Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
