OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
