The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
