Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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