can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
