i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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