I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
