Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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