you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
