Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
