So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize