It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
