lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
