I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
