I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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