I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
