wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
