TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
