my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
