he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
