I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
