how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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