mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm too high and old for this...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
