My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
