Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
