I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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