it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
