I got chris browned last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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