I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
