smell my finger.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
