Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
