Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
