Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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