The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
