hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
