she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
