i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
