I can text with my tongue
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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