If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
