Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
