he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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