you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
