before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
