Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
