tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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