First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
