Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
